I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
