I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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