he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
