how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
