You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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