just tell him i said nine months
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
