Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
