We won't sleep together?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
