his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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