You're so nebulous sometimes
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
