Four minutes until I can fart!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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