I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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