garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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