3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
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Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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