why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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