Where did you get a picture of my penis
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
