The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I need to align my fucking chakras
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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