my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
