No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
