so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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