Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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