He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
