At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
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I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
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But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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