Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
