really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
cat food counts as protein by the way
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
