Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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