Welp...herpes.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
