It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
