I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize