Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
