OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
