Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
