today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
