oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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