His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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