yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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