Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
