Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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