so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
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shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
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It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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