If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
