I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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