The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
