Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
