Are we in a gay sports bar?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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