Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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