Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
