So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
