If i come over, it means nothing
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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