Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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