the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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