who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
