His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
