I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
