I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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