I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
