You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
