meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Randomize
