even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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