you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
