why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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