At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
