this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
