She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
