Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
