from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
