I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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