Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
