her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Say something about gay babies.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
