an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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