This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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