After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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