1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he thought i was a dude.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
