Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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