Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
