THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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