OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
