it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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