I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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