Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
