There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
