me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
