can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
