words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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