I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
