i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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